About PDA
There are already so many brilliant voices out there giving guidance and support on parenting PDA children – and I’m not here to duplicate that. What I can do is point you to the people and resources that genuinely helped me when I was floundering and trying to make sense of what was going on in our family.
Let’s start with a brief definition from the PDA Society:
“PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) is widely understood to be a profile of autism. One of the most well-known features of PDA is demand avoidance, which is where a person finds it hard to manage everyday tasks or demands, even those they want or need to do.“
It’s important to understand that PDA isn’t just about avoiding demands. In fact, this is just one aspect. PDA is rooted in an anxiety-driven, deep need for autonomy and control. It’s not a behavioural issue. It’s not defiance. It’s a nervous system reacting to perceived threat – often even when the demand is something the person would usually enjoy.
Children with a PDA profile often appear sociable on the surface but may struggle with the depth of social interaction. They might use negotiation, distraction, or humour to avoid tasks. You may see extreme mood shifts, intense role play, or people-focused obsessions. Early language delay followed by a fast catch-up is sometimes part of the picture – that was true for us too.
What I’ve come to understand over the years is that PDA isn’t something to “fix.” Neither is autism. Or ADHD. Or any other neurodivergent condition. These aren’t disorders. They’re just different neurotypes. Different ways of processing the world.
Our children aren’t broken. They don’t need fixing. What they need is understanding, accommodation, and compassion.
Some of the resources that helped me most
This list isn’t exhaustive – just a starting point. These are some of the voices, books, and spaces that made me feel less alone, and gave me the language, tools, and confidence I needed to support my boys.
PDA Society
Excellent resources, especially useful when sharing information with school, family, or professionals who don’t yet understand PDA. Clear, accessible and backed by experience.
The Explosive Child by Dr Ross Greene
This book was life changing for us. It completely shifted how I saw my son and his behaviour. I think every parent should read this – let alone parents of PDA children. Dr Greene’s collaborative approach is respectful and effective – and so helpful for understanding why rewards and punishments don’t work. His website Lives in the Balance is also brilliant.
Kristy Forbes – inTune Pathways
One of the first advocates I found. I’m so incredibly grateful for her honesty, insight and genuine compassion. It’s helped me more than I can say. She is always the first person I recommend to parents new to PDA – the OG, as my child would say. Highly recommend following on Facebook and Instagram.
Steph’s Two Girls
A fantastic blog and social presence (look her up on Facebook). I found her early on and her writing helped me make sense of what was going on with my child. Relatable, real and grounded in experience.
Newbold Hope (formerly Yvonne Newbold Foundation)
This was a lifeline when we were experiencing child-to-parent outbursts. Not specific to PDA or any diagnosis – just a deeply supportive, inclusive space. Their Facebook group in particular brought me real comfort during the hardest times.
NeuroWild
Em’s beautifully illustrated resources explain autistic and neurodivergent experiences in a way that’s easy to understand and incredibly validating. I used one of their pieces to tell my child they were autistic – it was a wonderful celebration. Highly recommend following them on Facebook and Instagram.
Heidi Mavir – Your Child is Not Broken
This book validated my personal experience and had me laughing and crying along the way. Heidi has been an invaluable resource for me while advocating for my children’s EHCPs. Her membership area, The Marble Run is a positive labyrinth of treasures.
The Long Road: Diary of a SEND Mum
Her book We Are Not Seeing It is a powerful and insightful read, especially around masking and school-related distress.
Amanda Diekman – Low Demand Parenting
Her book is another excellent resource, particularly for families navigating extreme demand avoidance.
The Declarative Language Handbook
This is a great practical tool – simple but so effective in how we communicate with our children. However, this is not a way to learn how to dress up a demand or trick your child into doing what you want. It’s simply one way that we can be less triggering to their nervous system. I would always advise working towards genuine connection and building a trusting, equal relationship over anything else.
I could add so many more. There are countless incredible advocates out there doing vital work in this space. But if you’re new to PDA – or even if you’re not, but still looking for support – this list is a good place to start.
I hope it helps.