It’s been a strange week

We landed back in the UK and the heatwave was long gone. I don’t think it’s stopped raining since we got home.

I have to admit our holiday didn’t entirely go to plan, which is not unusual for families like ours. We adapt and overcome. We understand fluctuating capacity. We are continuously scanning the environment, trying to make sure everybody is regulated and comfortable, but unfortunately we picked somewhere that was a little too noisy, a little too busy, and there just wasn’t enough downtime for everybody.

We’ve all come back a bit dysregulated, which wasn’t ideal.

But there were also some amazing memories made and that’s what I’m trying to hold onto, because I’m still glad we tried.

Now though, we have so much going on. There are transitions pending, as I’ve talked about before. Not just the transition back to school after the half term holiday, but the bigger transitions looming in the background too. September. Secondary school. Going up years. New classrooms. New teachers. All of those things quietly starting to creep in.

We’ve also had a lot of loss this year.

We lost both of our beloved elderly dogs very close together and that was hard for all of us. It was my children’s first real experience of grief and loss and that has been a difficult thing to navigate together as a family.

And now, very sadly, I have lost my Nan.

I think I’m still a little numb around it and haven’t really started to process it properly yet.

She was an incredible woman. A true matriarch. Very tenacious, very witty and funny, and just an incredibly strong woman who I looked up to, respected and loved very much.

But there’s guilt too.

Because our family situation meant that living so far away, I rarely saw her in person and I didn’t really keep in touch as well as I should have done. She understood. She never made me feel bad about it. But she’s gone now and I do feel an enormous sense of sadness around that.

And of course it’s more loss for the children too. Even though they weren’t especially close, they will still feel that sadness. That shift. That absence.

So I’m sitting with all of this at the moment, just trying to muddle my way through.

And then, because we’re slightly crazy, we’ve decided to get a puppy.

Part of me hopes she will bring some joy and silliness and fun back into our house, which has become far too quiet without our dogs.

I think there’s something important in learning that grief and sadness and remembering can sit alongside excitement and happiness too. That there can still be glimmers along the way.

So I’m not here this week to offer any profound wisdom or tell you what you should be doing.

I’m simply reminding you that I’m here living this life alongside you in our chaotic, slightly disjointed, disorganised way.

But what comes through all of it for me is returning to my values and remembering what matters most. Letting those values guide me like a compass towards the kind of person I want to be and the kind of life I want to live. Love. Integrity. Connection. The things that matter most.

And I’m allowing myself to slow down.

I’m allowing myself to cancel plans, drop the ball where I need to, and just sit with it all for a moment.

Because we all know the world doesn’t stop around us.

Our children still need us, probably more than ever. Life still throws curveballs. There are still EHCPs, paperwork, piles of washing, appointments, emails, admin and all the things that don’t magically disappear just because we’re overwhelmed.

But within that, I will create some space for myself.

I will be gentle with myself.

So if you take anything from the chaos that is our life this week, please let it be this:

Be kind to yourself.

You are not supposed to carry everything perfectly all of the time.

And you are not alone in this. Sending so much love.