The return to school has been anything but smooth

How’s your week been?

I’m not sure whether I’m coming or going, to be honest. I didn’t think it could get more crazy than the summer holidays, but there you go.

We made it to day four. Day four, and then everyone crashed out, and that was the point where we couldn’t attend any more. So I’ve found myself back to advocating, emailing, explaining, which I think I kind of knew would probably be the case.

I do want to give both schools their credit here, because they have been fantastic. Adapting, accommodating, listening, and genuinely trying to make my children feel comfortable enough to attend. So for the time being at least, we are back in. We’ll stay flexible, and we’ll keep supporting and keeping that scaffolding up.

On top of that, my child’s school taxi has been inexplicably cancelled. So while we wait for it to be rearranged, I’m doing all the school runs. Two children, two completely different schools, both starting and finishing at exactly the same time. It is a logistical nightmare between my husband and me, and it eats into so much of my day that I can’t get into any sort of routine or get anything done.

Then there’s the DLA renewal form waiting to be completed, and all the general life admin that seems to crop up on top of everything else. So I sat down and wrote a huge to do list. It was totally overwhelming and was probably a mistake, but at least I have a master list to work from now, and I can see the most urgent things I need to deal with over the next week or so.

And when I looked at that list properly, here’s what struck me. There is almost nothing on it that I chose. Every single item is on there because it has to be. Forms with deadlines. Phone calls I don’t want to make. Appointments, admin, jobs that only ever get done if I do them. The one thing on there that I actually want to do is the thing I’ve parked, because there’s no room for it. And none of that even includes the rest of the day, the bits that never make it onto a list at all. The laundry, delivering children to the places they’re supposed to be, standing at the freezer preparing doggy peanut butter onto lick mats, cooking the dinners, all of that wonderful stuff.

Pulled in so many directions that I stop asking what I need and start frantically running round like a headless chicken, trying to stay on top of all of the things.

Which is the strange bit, isn’t it. I spend my life making the case that my children need some say in how their days go, because without it nothing works. And I hadn’t once thought to ask the same question about my own.

So now the list is done, I’m going to very deliberately start to build in some time for me, even though it feels like there isn’t time.

I must admit I’ve been guilty of not doing much meditation over the summer, just because with the kids around it’s felt very, very loud and very full on. But I know now that if I’m disciplined I can definitely fit five minutes in throughout the day, just to keep it up, just to give myself that little bit of a calm baseline reset. And I’m going to make sure that I’m reading, because it’s something I love and it’s a form of escapism for me.

Two really small things, and they aren’t really about the meditation or the book. They’re about choosing something. Deliberately claiming back a little bit of time for myself, and making a real point of showing my brain that I’m still here, I still matter, I have needs and they matter.

That is enough for now, because we just take what we can in those snatched, in between moments.

So tell me, how has this week been for you? Has it been a smooth return, have you slotted back into your routine, or is it a little bit more chaotic, like mine? Just hit reply and let me know.

And in amongst all the chaos, please remember that you matter too. Try to find even a tiny way here and there to show yourself that your needs are just as important as everybody else’s.