The things the world never sees

Over the years, I’ve met many families whose children mask.

Some of their stories will stay with me forever.

One mum told me her daughter was known at school as the perfect pupil – polite, kind, no trouble at all. But the moment she got home, she’d go on three or four hour rampages. Destroying anything in her path. Attacking her parents and siblings. Climbing out of windows. She never slept – twenty minutes at most – and by age four had been diagnosed with a 24-hour sleep disorder. There was no help.

Another parent told me her child was always described as coping well in class, but every evening would end in hours of screaming, sobbing, and distress. The difference between home and school was so extreme that nobody believed what they were living through. By the time things finally broke down, their child had completely shut down and stopped speaking for months.

These are not rare stories.

They are the hidden reality for so many families whose children mask all day and fall apart the moment they feel safe enough to do so at home. But most of the world never sees this. Because parents like these don’t talk about it – not out of shame, but because they already know how quickly they’ll be judged.

They’re told their child behaves for everyone else, so it must be their parenting. They’re told they’re over-anxious, overprotective, or making excuses.

Meanwhile, they’re living in a constant state of alert – bracing for the next meltdown, the next crisis, the next phone call from school.

The nervous system never gets to rest. The fear never really leaves. You live waiting for it to happen again – helpless, heartbroken, frustrated, and terrified for your child.

And there is almost no support for that.

It’s hard enough to get help for your child, let alone for yourself.

This is why I am so passionate about autistic masking being understood – and why I was so thrilled to share my own experience of autistic masking in the Times and Sunday Times – because when the focus is only on the child, parents are left carrying an invisible weight completely alone. If this is your situation and you are struggling to get school to understand, download my free guide Understanding Masking in PDA and Autism – A Guide for Schools. If your child seems “fine” in class but unravels at home, this guide explains why. It’s something you can hand straight to school and say: “This is what I’ve been trying to explain all along.”

I’m currently running my Reclaim Your Balance course, and each week I feel so proud seeing the small shifts already happening – parents starting to breathe again, to show themselves the same compassion they give their children, and to realise that their wellbeing matters too.

It doesn’t make life easy, but it helps them feel steadier inside it.

And that steadiness is what makes everything else just a little more manageable. Join the wait list.