When you’re trying so hard to carry a life no one understands

When I look back at the very early days of trying to get school and professionals to understand what was going on, I can can see how hard I was working just to hold everything together. I was constantly explaining, anticipating, firefighting, trying to protect my child from overwhelm and misunderstanding while also trying to keep the whole house functioning. And I did it without thinking. I didn’t question it. It felt like the only option.

I didn’t realise at the time just how much of myself I’d silently handed over in the process.

If you’re in that place right now – where every day feels like a negotiation, where your nervous system never fully comes down, where even the simplest transitions feel like a gamble – I want you to know I understand that life. You are not imagining the intensity. You’re not too sensitive. You’re not “doing it wrong.” This is what chronic hypervigilance looks like when you’re raising a child who needs you to read the world for them.

And because so many of you are new here, I want to give you something simple today. Something that might make things feel a tiny bit easier – for them, and for you.

If you’re noticing that things feel harder right now, try this: pick one daily moment that usually spirals quickly – a transition, a demand, a point in the day where your child tends to hit their limit. And instead of going straight into explaining or persuading or soothing, just pause for five seconds and quietly ask yourself:

• What’s the need here?
• What’s the pressure point?
• What can I soften?

It’s not about doing the “right” thing. It’s about giving yourself a moment to breathe before stepping into the situation. You are not a robot. You’re a human being who’s trying incredibly hard.

And then give yourself the same small pause at some point later. When you find yourself tense, or bracing, or thinking “here we go again”… stop for a few seconds and ask:

• What do I need in this moment?
• What would help my body feel a tiny bit safer?
• Can I adjust even one thing so I’m not pushing through on empty?

It’s nothing fancy. It’s nothing that requires time you don’t have. It’s simply a way of interrupting the automatic survival mode that so many of us slip into without noticing.

You deserve that pause just as much as your child does.

And if things feel relentless right now, please remember that it’s not a reflection of your ability or your worth. It’s the reality of a life that demands more from you than most people ever see.

You’re doing incredibly well. Truly.

As we move through this time of year, things can feel even more intense. Routines change, expectations rise, everyone around you seems to be speeding up – and it can put your already-stretched nervous system under more pressure than usual. If you’re feeling that, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of strain.

Take the tiny pauses where you can. The small breaths. The gentler option. The lowered demand. It all counts. It all helps.

I’m right here with you – in the mess, in the reality, in the trying again tomorrow.