When the school number flashes up

Our newly rehomed Dalmatian had gone into the vet that morning to be castrated, bless him (all went well). I’d dropped him off and realised I had a small window to get the food shopping done, so I did. I’d just got home and was halfway through unpacking when I saw it was school.

My child had found a test really hard, and another child had made comments about it. They’d reached their limit and wanted to come home.

They’d been coping really well up to then. They’d gone in every day, and even managed the school bus a couple of times, because it helped with the timings around some new work I’ve taken on alongside Reclaim Your Balance. I’ll tell you more about that soon.

I’ve been very conscious that I didn’t want them to push themselves too much. But at the same time I really needed them to do it so I had time to work, and I’ve felt quite guilty about that. If I’m honest, I’ve also been enjoying that tiny bit of time for me, doing something and feeling really productive.

My week has changed shape. I’m trying to fit everything into a much smaller window: work, tax returns, the house, the pets. And all the little things that only ever seem to live in my head. One of my children needs new trainers ordering. Somebody’s lost their school hoodie, and I can’t decide whether to buy a new one or wait and see if it turns up.

So on the drive to school, that’s what was going round my head. I wasn’t annoyed. I completely understood. It was just a shame.

I spoke to my child, I spoke to school, and it was absolutely no problem for them to come home. They’ve done so well this week and I’m really proud of them. But I know for a lot of you, a call like that comes with a different voice in your head. The one that’s been told by school, by family, by professionals, that our children need to build resilience. That if we let them come home, we’re giving in.

I’m glad my child felt able to say when it was getting too much. I wouldn’t want them to hide it, or push their way through when they really don’t need to, because that is not resilience. That’s just traumatising, staying in an environment that already feels incredibly overwhelming. School do try very hard to support them, but on this occasion we agreed home was the right place.

Funnily enough, once they were home and calmer, they started wondering whether they’d made the right choice and if they should go back. In the end they decided to stay, but I loved that they could think it through for themselves. That only happened because they felt safe enough to.

So if you get that call, listening to them isn’t giving in. And both things can be true. You can be completely fine with them coming home and still feel the wobble of a good week being interrupted. Being proud of them doesn’t cancel out the tiredness, and the guilt about needing them in school doesn’t cancel out how much you might have enjoyed those few hours for yourself.

If you’ve had a week where everything was just about holding together and then the phone went, tell me. How do you hold onto the good bits when that happens?