Not every parent is looking forward to summer

Let’s have an honest conversation.

Not all parents are happy or excited about the school holidays. For some, they bring dread. Panic. That rising anxiety as you wonder how you’re going to get through the next six weeks. It doesn’t matter whether your child is currently in school – mainstream, specialist, or alternative provision – or if they’re home with you full-time. The summer still brings change. Routines disappear. Structure vanishes. Familiar places become overcrowded and overstimulating. Even your safe spaces might not be accessible anymore.

Many parents are bracing themselves for weeks of being stuck at home. Not because they want to be – but because they know what happens when they try to go out. The overstimulation. The overwhelm. The emotional volatility. The fear of pushing too far and watching everything unravel.

Some families are dealing with volatile outbursts every single day. Some are trying to manage complex sibling dynamics that never switch off. It’s not about making memories. It’s about surviving – hour to hour, moment to moment.

And it’s lonely.

At the school gate, you hear other parents talking about how much they’re looking forward to having their babies home. They’re planning picnics and days out, saying how much they’ll miss them when the holidays end. You smile. You nod. But inside, you feel like an alien. Like you’ve failed somehow, because all you feel is dread.

You love your children. Of course you do. But you know what’s coming – and no one else around you seems to understand it. You can’t say it out loud, because you don’t want to be judged. You don’t want people to look at your child differently. So you carry it all quietly, and the shame creeps in.

But it’s not your fault.

And it’s not your child’s fault either.

Like Dr Ross Greene says: children do well when they can. The same applies to parents. You are doing your best. And that is more than enough.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years – the things that helped me get through:

Stop comparing.
Take a break from social media if you need to. If your feed is full of “making memories” posts and sunny family trips, while you’re just trying to stop your kids hurting each other – step away. That isn’t your reality. And it doesn’t need to be.

Radical acceptance.
This might not be the summer you’d hoped for. Your child might need more from you than you feel able to give. But they’re not doing this to you – they’re struggling with a world that doesn’t work for them. Accept the season for what it is. Survival is enough.

Lower your expectations.
If the house is chaos and the meals are quick and beige, so what. If you don’t make it out the door all week, so what. If everything feels stretched and messy and intense – that’s okay. Don’t expect yourself to do it all. You can’t. You’re not supposed to.

Look after yourself in scraps.
This isn’t about long baths or lunches out. It’s about choosing the mug you actually like. Standing outside and putting your feet on the ground. Three deep breaths. A moment of stillness when they finally sleep. Little things that remind you that you exist too.

And please, let the guilt go.

Struggling doesn’t make you weak, and it doesn’t make you wrong.

You are not failing because you’re not excited.

You are a parent doing your absolute best in a situation most people couldn’t even begin to understand.

Take it one day at a time. And when the day ends – whether that’s 8pm or midnight – do whatever it takes to refill your cup, even just a little. Enough to face the next one.

You’re not alone.

P.S. If you need something to help you regulate and feel more grounded, I’ve created a short guided meditation. You can download it here breathe.emma-mcdonnell.com