Not everyone looks forward to Christmas – and that’s ok

Not everyone says this out loud. Because they’re afraid of being judged. Afraid of what it might make people think about their child. Or about their parenting. But many neurodivergent families feel it deeply.

Christmas is a time of huge expectation. It’s sold as magical, joyful, full of excitement and togetherness. And for families like ours, it can be… a lot.

Even as the holidays begin – whether your child is able to attend school right now or not – you can feel the shift coming.

The change in routine. Or more accurately, the complete lack of one. The fact that everywhere is busy, noisy, crowded – so going out feels harder, not easier. The sensory overload – Christmas music everywhere, flashing lights, decorations, smells, constant stimulation. The pressure for everyone to feel excited and grateful and happy at this “special” time of year.

It’s a lot for our children. And because it’s a lot for them, it becomes a lot for us too.

We hold space for their dysregulation. We try to help them stay afloat in a world that’s suddenly louder, brighter and less predictable than usual. At the same time, we’re expected to organise, plan, shop, wrap, remember, show up. To somehow create memories and magic while staying calm and regulated ourselves.

That’s not easy. And for many families, it’s quietly overwhelming.

You might feel daunted. Or anxious. Or like you’re already counting down the days. You might be bracing yourself for more meltdowns, more volatility, more walking on eggshells. You might be grieving the Christmas you thought you’d have, while still loving your child fiercely.

And then there’s the silence around it.

You don’t say this stuff out loud, because you don’t want anyone to think badly of your child. Or to judge your parenting. So you carry it quietly, and the guilt and shame creep in.

But please hear this. You are not getting it wrong. Your child is not doing anything wrong. Your family is not failing because Christmas feels hard.

As Dr Ross Greene says, children do well when they can. The same is true for parents.

What I’ve learned over the years – and what I remind myself of every holiday season – is this: You don’t need to do Christmas the “right” way. You need to do it your way.

Trust your instincts. Lower the pressure wherever you can. Let go of what doesn’t work for your family, even if it works for everyone else.

If that means staying home more, that’s okay. If expectations need to be drastically lowered, that’s okay. If this season is more about getting through than making memories, that’s okay too.

Survival is not a failure. Sometimes, it’s the bravest thing there is.

You are a parent doing your absolute best in circumstances most people will never fully understand. And that is more than enough.

Take it one day at a time. And when the day ends – whether that’s early evening or well past midnight – do whatever you can to refill your cup, even just a little.

You’re not alone in this.