This could have felt like a wasted journey

Something happened recently that I wanted to share, because actually… it felt like a positive.

My child was dysregulated at school. Something had happened and they could feel it building. They knew they were becoming triggered and were worried it might escalate to a point where they couldn’t control their behaviour. And in that moment, they asked to call me. The school supported it. They’re very good like that – giving them a sense of control, helping them regulate rather than pushing through.

When I answered, they sounded very serious. “I want to come home now. I’m not coping very well today.” So I said, of course, no problem, and got in the car.

While I was on my way, school gave them a movement break and some 1:1 time with their class teacher – someone who really knows them and understands them. They talked things through. By the time I arrived, they’d decided they didn’t need to come home after all.

They were a bit worried I might be annoyed. That they’d disturbed me. That I’d had a wasted journey. But I wasn’t. Not even slightly.

Because what I saw in that moment was something much bigger. They recognised they needed help. They knew they were tipping into overwhelm. And they reached out before it escalated. They trusted that I would come. They trusted that I would listen. They trusted that I am still their safe place.

And yes – they’re getting older. Independence is growing. That’s what we want, isn’t it. But this… this is part of that. Not independence that comes from pushing through or being left to cope alone. Independence that grows from feeling safe enough to ask for help when it’s needed.

I know there’s a lot of noise out there about “over-accommodating” or “doing too much”. That fear that we’re enabling them. But I don’t see it like that. I see a child who is still developing the skills they will have as an adult. A nervous system that is still learning how to regulate. A brain that needs support before it can do it alone.

And in that moment, I met them where they were at. I showed them they are safe. That their needs will be heard. That they don’t have to reach breaking point before they’re allowed support. And because of that… they were able to regulate. They chose to stay. They felt in control. They didn’t need me in the end.

That’s not dependence. That’s trust. That’s safety. And that is exactly what builds independence in the long run.

So yes, I could have looked at it as a wasted journey. But it didn’t feel like that at all. It felt like progress.