When parenting a PDAer flips everything upside down

Parenting a PDA child changes the way you see everything.

All the things you thought were important as a parent – routines, rules, the advice in the books and from well-meaning professionals – suddenly don’t seem to fit anymore. You start questioning everything you once believed about how family life “should” look.

I’ll never forget one evening when my child was younger. We were having dinner when they suddenly decided they wanted an ice lolly. They wanted it right then. They were furious.

In that moment, I paused and asked myself… do I really need to die on this hill? Is pudding before dinner worth the battle?

I gave them the ice lolly. They ate it. Then they ate their dinner. And we avoided a meltdown.

From the outside, it might look like pandering. Like we’ve got no boundaries. But the truth is, parenting a PDAer means tuning in to your child’s mental health and picking your battles carefully. When you’ve seen anxiety take over and watched your child completely unravel, you start to care a lot less about “normal rules” and a lot more about what keeps them safe and regulated.

For us, that means being flexible in some areas. Screen time, for example, isn’t restricted in the way other families might do it. It’s a regulation tool in our house. But we do have boundaries that matter – like everything goes on charge overnight. No charge means no device the next day. Simple, natural consequences.

Parenting like this can feel upside down to the outside world, but for us, it works. It keeps the peace, protects our child’s mental health, and gives our family some breathing room.

I wonder if you’ve had these moments too – the times you’ve gone against all the usual “rules” because you knew in your gut it was the right thing for your child? I’d love to hear your story.