Why tricks don’t work – and what really does

Yesterday morning I was lucky. My husband did the school run, which meant I had a little pocket of time to myself – a rare thing.

So I decided to walk the dogs.

As I walked, I took some slow, deep breaths and ran through one of my usual meditations in my head. I’ve listened to it so many times now I could probably recite it word for word. The sun was out but it wasn’t hot yet, and I could feel myself starting to reset. Just that bit of fresh air, nature, movement. It filled my cup.

The dogs are getting older now, so we walk slowly. But it’s enough.

As we passed an alleyway near some gardens, a group of dogs came rushing over, barking behind the fence. Mine didn’t react. They didn’t even blink. Further along, another dog growled and barked – again, mine just strolled on like nothing had happened.

It hit me then. They were feeding off my energy. I wasn’t activated. I wasn’t tense or alarmed. I was calm, and so they were calm.

It reminded me of something I saw years ago – Cesar Millan talking about how dog training isn’t about tricks or repetition. It’s about energy. Not everyone’s a fan of his, but I’ve always remembered that point.

And it made me think of parenting PDA kids.

You can’t train them. You can’t bribe them or coax them with empty praise. They won’t play along with rules that don’t make sense or follow instructions just because they’re told to.

They read your energy.

If we can stay calm when they can’t, if we can stay connected to ourselves, they pick up on that. They feel safer. They feel more regulated because they’re borrowing our nervous system in those moments.

Of course, staying regulated ourselves takes effort. It takes intention. And it’s so much harder when we’re constantly on the edge.

But this is why it matters – this is why those tiny windows of time for ourselves are so important. Because they allow us to show up the way we want to. Not perfect. Not all the time. But more regulated. More grounded.

So if you needed a reminder today – this is it. You matter. Your energy matters. And looking after yourself is never selfish. It’s the start of real connection.

Take what time you can. Fill your cup where possible. It ripples out further than you think.