When the sofa slips away

I saw Kristy Forbes write something recently that really stayed with me.

She was talking about that moment at the end of the day when you are so close to finally sitting down. So close to rest. Your body can almost feel the bed, or the sofa, or the shower. Your nervous system has already started to clock off. And then something else is needed from you.

She described it so perfectly:

“I’m sure any parent will know the very specific desperation of being almost at the couch, or the bed, or out for a walk alone, or the bathroom or the shower… where every additional delay raises the internal temperature by about ten degrees.”

I felt that in my bones.

Because if you are parenting a PDA child, or any child with high support needs, you will know exactly what that feels like. You’ve co-regulated all day. Done everything you could to meet needs. Navigated demands, emotions, sensory overwhelm, your own stress, your own exhaustion. By the end of the day, you are running on fumes.

I had this recently with my own child.

It was bedtime, and historically bedtime was always hard here. Separating could be difficult. Settling took a long time. I’d often have to stay in the room, waiting for sleep, completely drained by the end of it. We are much further on in our journey now. Things have changed. I’m still needed, of course, but not in the same all-consuming way as before.

That night, I had done it. I had met every request. Bent over backwards to help my child feel safe and regulated. I genuinely thought I’d made it to the finish line.

In my head, I was already on the sofa. TV on. Cup of tea. Bit of chocolate. Done.

And then, at that precise moment, my child decided they were absolutely not going anywhere near bed. Instead, they got out a pile of Lego minifigures and started playing. And explaining, in infinite detail, who each one was.

I could feel the sofa slipping away.

And I could feel the rage rising. That internal, “Oh, for goodness’ sake… just give me a break.”

My whole body braced. I could feel the tension building.

And then something shifted.

I am so glad I had the tiniest bit of capacity left because I suddenly recognised what was actually happening. This child wasn’t pushing me. They weren’t testing boundaries. They weren’t trying to control me. They were seeking connection.

So I stopped.

I took a deep breath. A long exhale. And I thought, just go with it.

Because pushing back would only escalate things. And actually, they weren’t doing anything wrong.

So I got down on the floor and asked them about the figures. And they told me everything. Who they were. What they’d been building. What was happening in their imagination. They were so joyful to share it.

And the truth is, I genuinely enjoyed that moment.

My child is getting older now, and these moments are fewer and further between. Friends are becoming more important. Parents aren’t quite as cool as they once were. And I’m so grateful I caught myself. That I recognised the threat response in my body. That I grounded myself before reacting.

Because it changed the whole evening.

We had true connection. No battle. No argument. No power struggle.

Yes, bedtime was later than I had planned. But it happened naturally, on their terms, and both of us settled better because of it.

That’s the part I want to gently offer here. Not as preaching. Not as “look how regulated I am.” Because I’m not. Not all the time. I still lose it. I still get triggered. I still hit my limit. I’m human.

But working on yourself does matter. Learning how to catch those moments. Learning how to pause. To breathe. To ground. To reset. Those tiny moments can change everything. Not every time. But enough.

Enough to shift the pattern. Enough to help you show up as the parent you want to be.

That’s exactly why I created my 3-Minute Reset Toolkit Bundle.

It’s a collection of some of the tools and practices I use myself to create those tiny moments of pause. The grounding, the breathing, the tiny resets that help me find enough capacity to respond instead of react when my nervous system is tipping into threat mode.

Because these moments matter. They’re often the difference between escalation and connection.

And with the summer holidays nearly here in the UK, I know many of you are about to be carrying even more. So from now until 17 July, I’ve reduced the bundle by over 40% to make it more accessible. It’s now £17 instead of £29.

Visit https://emma-mcdonnell.com/the-3-minute-reset-toolkit-bundle and use code SUMMER2026 at checkout.

Because you matter too.